By Steve Figeroua 

Mike Meyers and Justin Timberlake are a formidable match in the Austin Powers style comedy. You’ll be hard pressed not to get a kick out of it.

I felt like I lost my virginity last night. I’ve never done this and I’m proud to say it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. For the first time ever: I went to the movies (climactic orchestra lead-in please) alone! I have to admit, it wasn’t nearly as losery as I thought it would be. I actually enjoyed it. Both armrests to myself, no one finishing my raisinets. Just me, in the exact seat I always enjoy.

What probably made this night enjoyable was the fact that everyone in the theater was laughing pretty hard. If I was the only nerd busting up, I’m sure it would have only made me look even more pathetic since I’m laughing obnoxiously loud… and I’m alone. Everyone would sigh “Well that makes sense, he’s probably a douche.”

Now, prior to the movie’s release there were a few videos put out on the web to help promote the film, with words of wisdom from Guru Pitka, played by Mike Meyers. I thought they were pretty funny, turning everyday verbiage into hilarious acronyms for all to live by. Well this theme is carried out in the movie, and it was the perfect topping to the ridiculous amounts of sex and penis jokes that get tossed around.

Speaking of penis, Jacques “Le Coq” Grande (played by Justin Timberlake) was a hilarious new character I actually wish would have been included in one of the Austin Powers entries. His French-Canadian accent and mannerisms were on target. I love how they made him a modern day John Holmes on ice. The sounds effects used when I would disrobe make me wish I could carry around a midi and do the same when I’m on a date. I’m sure the ladies would either die laughing or punch me in the mouth. Either way, it’s a fun time for everyone.

Jane Bullard (played by Jessica Alba) doesn’t have much in the way of comedy in this film. But, lets face it. She’s so hot, she could literally stand their weaving an uneven sleeved sweater out of recycled Bike Week bandannas and I would be entranced. She recruits Guru Pitka to help her star player, Romany Malco (Darren Roanoke, 40 Year Old Virgin) overcome his failed marriage and get back to playing awesome hockey. He takes on the job, upon recommendation from Richard Pants (John Oliver), claiming he will be hailed an equal to the real life Deepak Chopra in the Guru world.

Of course, as always the case, she falls for the somewhat grotesque Guru Pitka because of his wise ways. Man if that were only true, I’d have hoards of women flocking to me like vultures circling a dear carcass. Blah I say!

Well the awesome touch was having a lot of John Stewart’s crew in the film with hilarious one-liners. Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan make a hilarious hockey commentator duo as Stephen airs his issues with alcohol during the game and Jim Gaffigan is in disbelief he has the job. John Oliver’s name in the film, Richard Pants, is one of the many that have a sexual connotation to it, in classic Austin Power’s fashion.

Now, Guru Pitka would be nothing without his mentor, Guru Tugginmypudha who was played by Sir Ben Kingsley. Honestly, Kingsley is one of my all time favorite actors. From Shindler’s List, Species, Suspect Zero, Lucky Number Slevin, and of course Ghandi, he has proven to be one of the best actors of our time. I’m glad to see him lampooning his own people, blaming his cross-eye condition on masturbation before loving himself. If I ever have to use a cane, I want it carved to look like his in this movie. It’s awesome.

What I personally loved was the touch towards the end when Guru Pitka’s career was in jeopardy and his right hand man decided to get a second job. When he answers his cell phone at the airport and says “Thank you for calling Dell” I nearly crushed my drink in laughter.

By the way, I’d kill to find out if people really buy the smaller drinks to save 25 cents. It’s like they are playing a practical joke on you. “Sir, would you like the small drink with 16oz of soda for $4.00, or would you like to upgrade to the BP Oil Drum we recycled, full of ice cold soda for just 25 cents more?” Yeah I’m pretty sure that decision was made way before I got to the theater. I don’t even think they have small cups; it’s just listed on the menu to make you think you have an option. You see people carting in these containers full of carbonated death, with 10 straws sticking out the top so everyone can attempt to finish it off. What a sham.

And I digress. This film did what it was intended to do. It made you laugh. If you’re a fan of the Austin Powers franchise, you’ll love this movie. If you think Austin was lame, then you’ll probably toss a tomato at the screen and storm out. I know I laughed my ass off, along with everyone else in the theater.

I can’t blame people for waiting until it comes out on DVD, but I do think people should check it out either way. The guys will love Jessica Alba and the ladies will melt over JT’s ridiculous dance moves.